i'm back in oklahoma. i've done a full figure eight. oliver's first day of kindergarten, my first day of work. i'm back to the world of restaurants....
driving the 24 foot truck with my car in-tow was interesting. it only took 13 hours. i thought it'd take 15 or so. i played with a semi for a couple hours. downhill i'd over take it, then uphill he'd overtake me. the peddal was to the floor for all 13 hours. it was a 53 gallon tank at 3$ /gallon.
kansas is a lovely route in the late summer. the fields were all hues of reddish brown, gorgeous oranges (and i'm not really an orange enjoyer), yellows, and greens... all in perfect rows, and remnants of formerly splendid barns caving-in on the horizonal distances. the plains have grotesque emotional lurchings on the landscape. there are lonely expanses that give no promise of ending. the barns that look like they once held life and sustanance for many, now abandoned and depressed with the loss of purpose and meaning. i just wish i could reproduce this massive feeling on canvas. you may see, if you return to this page, an attempt or two of that wish in the future.
so i arrive in the new surroundings, with very different eyes than i've seen this place before. newness drips out of an old container, and a very urgent hope that i've not completely fucked up our lives again. i put the picture named 'haus bad riedlingen' on this post b/c it seemed closest to the thing i'm talking about above, but i wanted to really put one that i've most recently left behind on this. but i've no picture of it. it's of a girl sitting on a kitchen counter top. naked. isolated. far away. it takes some imagination to reinvent a moment and discover how to take it to the future. right now, i am desparately searching for the future, and how i might bring the good of the past with me and use it to guide the next step. i already dearly miss the past for its' bits that are known and comfortable, and how my every moment was consumed with what i know, and weird hopes that glimmer in the distance......
one thing that comforts, she is on a safe wall with love surrounding her. the past stays with me when i know the parts i have created in love are loved.
hmmm. glenfiddich speaks loudly this night. ;)
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